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Awakening Prologue

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Try as she might, her mental calls for help went unanswered. She ran into the chipped stone walled garden that she was in when she felt his presence within the outer walls. Flowers littered the grass around the center of the garden shrine. She knelt down next to the small pond that housed the stone shrine of Nature and Sun. The lone willow tree cast its shadow over her praying form. Saria could feel him approaching; but no one stopping his trek through the compound. The water remained as calm as it had ever been.

"Nature and Sun hear my prayers," Saria said sadly as she stared at the wall surrounding the garden, "I am sorry for bringing this about a generation early. El'lyawen should have been Thalea's daughter not mine."

"I am sorry for breaking the laws that my kind has kept sacred since your last descent," Saria said as slow tears fell, "but El'lyawen is needed now. Evil is making its return to this world quicker than normal."

Saria looked over her shoulder with a start sensing his presence within the garden.

"You speak of me with so much affection my dear," he said with a cold smile.

Aurick stood not far from her just out of reach of the shadows of the Willow tree, blond hair hanging free around his face.

"You are not the great evil that was predicted," Saria replied, "You are only a pawn in their schemes."

Aurick released a dark chuckle. Saria stood firm in her kneeling position against his gaze.

"What do you want Aurick," Saria asked, "I grow weary of running just to protect what is worth protecting  in this world."

"For you to join with me and the Drimana," Aurick replied with a smile, "El'lyawen would be safe from harm and so will you. Please, I don't want to have to kill you. You are her mirror."

His dark red eyes glinted to a distant memory of centuries past.

"I'm not her," Saria stated, "She has been dead for decades. I cannot replace what you have lost in your family's meddling with forces that are best left alone!"

"You will come with me," Aurick ordered.

Saria got up and turned to face him. He wore the black leather breastplate of the Drimana, his House insignia burned into his shoulder guards.

"I would rather die than join your cause," Saria stated defiantly as she stared out at the pond whimsically, "El'lyawen will conquer those of the Glorae. She will end this once and for all."

"She is tainted," Aurick tried to reason, "They will hunt her until the end."

"Under my protection she will grow stronger and not be injured by anyone," Aurick said holding his hand up showing an illusion of an elven female with ruin around her, "I assure you of that. She will grow to be far stronger than what she could be with the Shiwe."

"Rid this holy place of your cheap parlor tricks," Saria said, "Showing me one of the possibilities with illusions of shadows will not make me betray my daughter."

Aurick clenched his hand shut, the image disappearing into wisps of smoke between his fingers.

"This holy place will be stained with sacred blood," Aurick replied, "Blood of the A'luna Mirai."

"My answer is and always will be no," Saria answered, "She deserves to choose her own side."

"She will never be able to choose her own side," Aurick demanded waving his hands away from him, "People will always influence El'lyawen's choice of what side she is on. Whether by love, duty or fear it will never be her choice!"

"It is still the least I can do for her," Saria said, "for bringing her into this world before it is ready. She will end this cycle and it will begin with my sacrifice for her."

Aurick walked up to Saria with a wicked grin on his face. She closed her eyes as he approached but opened them again at hearing someone calling out for their mother.

"El'lyawen no," Saria said with her mind and voice, "Flee this place!"

Aurick smiled as he hugged her close to him. He kissed her lips as she stood there in shock before he moved his lips to her ear.

"Time to die A' luna Mirai," Aurick said as he plunged the hidden platinum hilted dagger into her stomach.

A girl's screams could be heard as she was stabbed. Saria looked up at the small elven girl standing in the doorway staring at them with her head tilted to the side in pain and shock.

"El'lyawen," Saria gasped out reaching a hand out.

"Know that I will come back for her," Aurick said in her ear, "She will never be safe from us."

He kissed her ear before he released Saria with a smile, the dagger being ripped from her. Aurick disappeared from the garden letting the dagger drop into the grass. El'lyawen ran towards her mother's falling form. She reached her as Saria's head hit the soft grass. Saria smiled as El'lyawen took her hand and moved hair away from her small face.
A elven boy slightly older than El'lyawen dressed in druid robes ran into the garden with a lost expression on his face as her stared at the saddening scene before him.

"My little girl," Saria said as blood dripped from her mouth, "I'm sorry for what I have done to you. You will never be safe now."

"Somebody help," El'lyawen screamed looking around the deserted garden, "The A' luna Mirai has been attacked!"

Saria's hand on her neck stopped her from calling out again. El'lyawen looked down at her dying mother.

"It's too late," Saria said, "My time has come to join those that have come before us."

"Mother please don't die," El'lyawen said looking at her mother with tears in her eyes, "Don't leave me here. Please don't go."

"I am sorry for what you will have to go through without me," Saria replied with difficultly, "They will try to control you. You mustn't let them."

"I won't," El'lyawen said through tear filled eyes.

"Forge your own path," Saria said with a smile, "Don't let anyone stop you."

"I will," the little elven girl replied sadly.

"El'lyawen," the young druid said with sadness.

"Promise me," her mother said, "You will end this cycle. Don't let this happen to another."

"I swear," El'lyawen replied brokenly.

Saria clenched her daughter's hands as her eyes became glazed over, and she exhaled her final breath. El'lyawen sat there in shock holding her dead mother in her arms.
El'lyawen's brother Alorn and his lover Thalea entered into the garden to stop in their tracks, Thalea's hand going to her mouth in shock. The older boy was wearing warrior clothes while the older girl wore a purple and white dress. They stared at the scene before them as the older boy walked towards his sister. El'lyawen hugged her mother tightly as she began to cry.

"El'lyawen," Alorn said, "Let her go. She has faded."

The wind around them picked up, matching the storm of emotions within her, fire began to sprout to life in small tendrils around them. The flames lacing into a circle around El'lyawen's crying form. She seemed unfazed by her power's searing heat. She ignored her brother in her grief.

"El'lyawen," Alorn demanded, "Losing your control will not bring her back!"

"No," She shouted as she stood and looked at them, the fire growing, "They killed her!"

"We will find him," Alorn answered, "We will bring them to justice. Reign in your powers El'lyawen or else it will be the death of us!"

"No," El'lyawen shouted as they ran away from her as her mother's last words lingered in her mind.

The garden erupted in an inferno as the elves ran from her fury.

* * *

El'lyawen stood on the charred wall of the once beautiful garden; now devoid of plant life. The willow tree now a charred, twisted, and stripped of its leaves. The elven boy in his druid robes stared at his friend sadly. Gelissin clutched the burn on his arm.

"Please don't go," Gelissin asked.

"I cannot stay here," El'lyawen replied looking at her brother holding his unconscious lover, "I cannot stay knowing that I have caused this. I cannot let destruction like this be unleashed upon the world."

El'lyawen sprouted her pearlescent wings and flew away looking back at what she was leaving behind.

"El'lyawen no," Gelissin yelled.
This is my most up to date version of Awakening's prologue. I have tried to take everyone's previous critique from the previous versions and this is what I have come up with. If anyone else has any ideas on how to improve it, then by all means let me know I would appreciate it. I like how far I have come in this and thank all those who have given me critique in the past.
© 2012 - 2024 Christina-Kirkland
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darkone4587's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Impact

The prologue for a potential epic involving a young girl whose powers have the potential to destroy the world and the tragedy that starts her journey. Let's see how this prologue holds up and weather it can stand on it's own.

First the bad:
Well it seems that all of the grammatical issues are taken care of or have been pointed out the other only major issue would be the pacing it goes by a little to quickly but that's just personal preference.

Now to the good:
Basically everything else, the imagery and the dialogue are well done and the characters are actually pretty interesting and the set up is pretty good.

Overall a pretty good prologue and decent set up.